Do Husbands Have Authority Over Their Wives?

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.

Ephesians 5:25

Roman society was one of the most stratified and hierarchical in all of human history. Members of this society knew their place. This meant, among other things, that they knew plenty about submission to authority. Virtually every person in the first-century Roman world submitted to higher authorities, except, perhaps Caesar himself.

Within Greco-Roman families, the submission of all members to the male head of house was foundational to society. Fathers had supreme authority over their children even after they were grown, in many cases. Husbands exercised similar authority over their wives, who were to obey their husbands in all things. In many writings of Greco-Roman philosophers and moral teachers, husbands are expected and exhorted to wield this authority for the order and benefit of the family.

Thus, the first-century recipients of Ephesians surely anticipated what was to come next after Paul’s instruction to wives to submit to their husbands. Husbands would be told to exercise authority over their wives. Right? Wrong! Strangely enough, Ephesians 5 does not contain this command. Husbands are not told to wield authority over their wives but to love them. The Christians who first heard Ephesians read in the gatherings must have been stunned. Where was the command to husbands to rule their households? Where in the world did the command to love come from?

I realize that many Christians try to find in Ephesians 5 a command for husbands to exercise authority over their wives. They argue by implication from the instruction to women to submit and from their notion of male headship. They believe that Paul assumes this without saying it. Yet, even if their argument is valid, it tends to ignore the astounding fact that Paul did not actually tell husbands to exercise authority over their wives. Rather, he told them to love their wives as Christ loved the church and gave up himself for her. (Curiously, the only place in all of Paul’s letters that speaks of a husband’s authority over his wife also speaks of a wife’s authority over her husband, not mutual submission, but mutual authority. See 1 Corinthians 7:4.)

Lest there be any confusion about the kind of love required of husbands, Ephesians adds: “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her” (5:25). Christ’s love for the church is revealed, most clearly, in his sacrifice on the cross. This sets a high bar for husbands, to say the least. It also begins to balance the instruction to wives. A wife is to submit to a husband who loves her and gives up himself for her. Not much room for selfishness here, not to mention domination or abuse. Wives submit to their husbands by receiving their self-giving love.

In our next reflection on this verse, we’ll ask whether wives ought to love their husbands as well. But, for now, you may want to ponder the following questions.

QUESTIONS FOR FURTHER REFLECTION: If you are a husband, do you love your wife just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her? (Hint: If your answer is a simple “yes,” you might want to think again.) When in your marriage have you loved your wife in a sacrificial way? How might your wife answer this question? What helps you to give up yourself out of love for your wife? If you are not a husband, remember that an earlier portion of Ephesians 5 called all of us to “walk in the way of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us” (5:2). In what ways are you loving your sisters and brothers in Christ sacrificially?

PRAYER: Lord Jesus Christ, head and Savior of the church, thank you for loving us. Thank you for loving us by giving up yourself for us. Thank you for offering your life, for taking our place, for bearing our guilt, and for breaking the power of sin and death through your faithfulness. Thank you for cleansing us and nourishing us. Thank you for never letting go of us.

Today, Lord, I pray for myself and all other husbands, that you might help us to love our wives as you loved (and still love) the church. We will never be able to match your love, of course. But we can imitate you, by your grace. May it be so today. Amen.

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Work for God

Whatever work you do, it matters to God. And you can glorify God through your work. God doesn't give more points or ascribe more value to pastoral or missionary or non-profit work. God looks at you and the work you do in your cubicle or classroom or kitchen or conference call, and all of it matters to him. It's not just ministers who work for God. No matter what type of work we do, let's do it to the glory of God. The series, Work for God, reminds us to do all of our work as if we were working for God, because we are.

Featured image by Simply Darlene. Used with Permission. Source via Flickr.