Coming to Terms With Your Limitations

I recently had a very sobering career discussion with a friend who said this to me: “I have finally come to grips with the fact that my strengths are not aligned with my passions.”

It turns out for my friend the thing he loved and wanted to do more than anything else in the world was not something he was very good at.

Imagine that.

After years of unsuccessfully fighting to break into his particular niche of interest, he finally gave in to the brutal truth: destiny had other, less exciting, plans in store. Yet, at the same time, this guy had somehow managed to excel in a job that he didn’t really care much about.

I had never thought about distinguishing between what we love and what we are naturally good at, simply assuming that if we gravitate towards the thing we are interested in, we will probably learn it well enough to become competent - certainly well enough to choose it as a vocation. But my friend is right – having a dream does not necessarily correlate with talent or opportunity.

Surely, this must be the cruelest trick of fate, to find yourself with a strong desire in an area where you are less than fully competent.

Which makes me even more annoyed at those precious few superstars who seem to have been endowed with more than their fair share of talent, who manage to reach elite status in multiple categories. Take the retired Yankees baseball hero Bernie Williams, for instance, who I saw in concert last year - yes, in concert - at a fundraiser, where he masterfully led a jazz guitar-jam, after which he was joined on stage by Paul Simon. Well. It’s difficult enough to reach the top of the pyramid in a professional sports league, I’m sure, but to then be equally gifted at his “hobby” as a musician? Not fair!

For the rest of us little people, we must rely on the brutal feedback loop of life to give us the reality check on the limitations of what few talents we do possess. Whether it is a result of harsh feedback coming at a critical moment, or the transition of moving from a big fish in a small pond to the suddenly harsh exposure of the big pond where the talent pool casts a much larger shadow, these are the sobering moments that many of us will have to face at some point in our lives in order to move forward. We will also have a choice – to stubbornly stick with what “feels” right (risking the hope of ever being good enough to make a fulfilling living from it), or to suck it up and settle for something less appealing, but practical. Someone has to pay the bills, after all.

If this sounds too depressing to continue reading, well, I suppose you’re right. My friend’s decision to sink into his limitations lies in stark contrast with many inspirational stories we read - stories where people overcome all sorts of severe limitations, achieving amazing feats against all odds thanks to their sheer persistence and perseverance. Isn’t it true that if we work hard and long enough we will achieve whatever dream we aspire?

Angela Lee Duckworth, an Assistant Professor at the University of Pennsylvania, has more or less validated this question through her research (at least with high school students), and has coined the term “Grit” as a characteristic of this kind of stick-to-it-ness success.

Duckworth defines Grit as “sticking with things over the very long term until you master them,” referring to one’s ability to maintain perseverance and passion around long-term goals. She has determined through her research that Grit is a better predictor of success than raw talent or even IQ.

“There are many talented individuals who simply do not follow through on their commitments,” she says. “In fact, in our data, grit is usually unrelated or even inversely related to measures of talent.”

Duckworth found that people who are not as bright as their peers "compensate by working harder and with more determination." And their effort pays off: The grittiest students -- not the smartest ones -- had the highest GPAs.

It’s not like my friend didn’t use "grit" or try hard enough. He really did, but he wasn't making the cut. And at some point he made a decision: rather than pursuing something he loved while putting up with the frustrations of being a mediocre underperformer, he instead decided to dedicate himself to the field where he had already gained a solid and respectable reputation in doing something he was actually good at, even though he didn’t really love it. You might say he settled for less. I know, it sounds grim and terminal, but that is not how he feels. My friend is more surrendered and accepting than bitter, with a genuine sense of peace about it.

Perhaps surrendering is a spiritual form of Grit.

This week at the High Calling, we have pecked away at this topic, offering several real-life forms of grappling with limitations.

Zina Pierre, a Washington insider, speaks in an interview with Nancy Lovell about the importance of faith as an anchor for managing through the inevitable challenges that our jobs will present.

Stephen Martin, in his article, "What to do When Your Dreams Exceed Your Reach," talks about the disappointment of not seeing his recently published book reach the sales goals he had in mind.

Susan DiMickele puts a different spin on limitations, in her post, "How I Overcame my Self-Imposed Limitations," noting that a Christian bias against "secular" work might have prevented her from doing God's will in her role as a partner in a law firm.

None of us can manipulate our life’s circumstance perfectly to reach the ideal version of what we think our life is supposed to look like. There are real imperfections, weaknesses, and limitations that crop up in the equation, but those shouldn't stop us from trying to keep figuring it out. And therein lies the mystery of surrender - accepting God’s grace over whatever it is we choose to do, whatever the outcome.

If I’m going to settle for anything, it’s going to be for the scripture where Christ tells the Apostle Paul, “My power is made perfect in your weakness.” Whether I attempt to push through that weakness in the form of Grit, or I decide to back off and replace it with something more practical to get through life, either way, his grace is sufficient for me.

J.B. Wood is an executive who lives and works in the Philadelphia area. He is author of the book, The Next Level, Essential Strategies for Breakthrough Growth and the e-book, At Work as it is in Heaven." He is also a Content Editor and frequent contributor to The High Calling.

Coming to Terms With Our Limitations

This article is part of a series at The High Calling on Coming to Terms With Our Limitations. Not a super-fun topic, I suppose, but certainly a reality that all of us must face sooner or later in our lives: the lack of living up to our dreams; the struggle to accept our not-so-glamorous circumstances; redefining of our perception of success. Are you dealing with this in your professional life? Do you know someone who is frustrated and could use a reassuring Christian perspective? Why not share some encouragement with those folks by sending these articles around via email or social media?